The Warren, Session 2: Go the Rabbitohs!

Second session of The Warren! The previous session ended on a big cliffhanger, but I went ahead and let everyone pick another character move. They were:

• Belladonna: Outran the Black Rabbit
• Veggie-mite: Ace in the Hole
• Thump-tor: Thumper
• Muddy: Swift Runner

The session begins with all of the rabbits realizing that the cane toads had hopped off with the gun. Thump-tor and Veggie-mite resist panic over this turn of events, though Belladonna is a bit freaked out by it. After discussing the situation, the PCs as well as Ash and Dusty decide they needed to go tell the Queen about the cane toads' new power.

Buck-tor allows all of the group in to see the Queen, who usually doesn't see visitors. She is a very large rabbit, with pure gray fur. She speaks with a weak voice and is unable to sit up on her bed of straw. Muddy takes the lead in explaining what had happened. The Queen is upset, and tells them that human weapons are cursed because humans use them to hunt rabbits. She declares that everyone who had touched the gun would be banished from the warren. Muddy had, of course, already admitted to holding the gun, and had implicated Ash and Dusty. Thump-tor and Veggie-mite truthfully deny having used the gun, but Belladonna has to speak plainly to convince the Queen that she hadn't held it. Buck-tor then escorts the three outcasts away from the warren.

Once outside the warren, Ash and Dusty decide they needed to steal the gun back from the toads, in order to redeem themselves and protect the warren. They tell Muddy that if he helps them, they would forgive him for trying to steal the gun. The three rabbits trail the toads to a swampy area near a stream. Muddy tries to sneak up on the toads to see what they ware doing. He spies a large group of toads confronting a smaller group, one of whom is holding the gun in its mouth with its tongue around the trigger. The toads spot Muddy's ears sticking out of the weeds. Muddy is able to bolt back to Ash and Dusty and warn them about the large group of toads. The three of them then bolt away, and hear the toads begin to fight behind them. During the toads' fight, the gun fires.

Back at the warren, the remaining PCs decide that they needed to lead the remaining rabbits to a new place. They decide to try to get to Flopsy's homeland on the other side of the River Jordan. Veggie-mite speaks plainly to the warren and convinces them all of the plan. The only rabbits who decided not to go along are Buck-tor and Hop-tor (the latter being a Knight Emeritus of Moloch), who both feel that their place is to stay and defend their Queen until the last. Veggie-mite tries to convince the Queen to come with them, but she says she is too weak to travel. But she gives her blessing to Veggie-mite and the litter she would soon give birth to.

The warren packs up and sets out for the river. They send a young squire of the Knights of Moloch, known as Bran-squee, to find the outcasts and invite them to join the new warren. But the outcasts had already decided to make their own way to the river, and so Bran-squee could not find them. That night, both parties have to dig shelters and resist panic caused by the hoots of owls in the woods.

The next day, Muddy, Ash, and Dusty reach the river first. They see a bridge with lots of car traffic upstream, and an island in the river downstream. Various trash lies along the river, including a plastic bag bearing a picture of lettuce but filled only with black slime. Dusty deems this a bad omen, so Muddy uses Strong to push an old truck tire down the beach a bit so that it would form a shelter while they wait for the others.

The rest of the warren comes onto the edge of the river just upstream of the tire. When Muddy pokes his head up to see them, he also sees a human fishing in the river near the bridge. This human is wearing a red and green shirt with a white rabbit on it. Muddy decides that this human must be a servant of Moloch. When the fisherman begins to approach the rabbits, Thump-tor successfully resists panic, but Veggie-mite does not -- leading her to lose control. She freezes, and the man scoops her up in a fishing net. As he goes to take her back to his car, Thump-tor bites him in the foot, then again on the hand when he reaches down to grab the offending rabbit (custom moves on Strong). The man throws Thump-tor and Veggie-mite in a big metal tackle box and latches the lid. Muddy sees a sticker on the man's car with the same white rabbit, so he decides to sneak in and ride along. The man gets in and drives away with three rabbits in the back seat.

Belladonna, meanwhile, had resisted panic at the man's approach, then decided to head into the water to get away. She also resists panic at the wide river, but is not as successful at swimming (custom move on Strong). She, along with Ash and Dusty, is swept downstream and washes up on the island that they had seen. Coming out of the water, they are confronted by three cane toads. In broken rabbitish, one of the toads identifies itself as a member of the Slimy clan. He explains that they share a common enemy, as the Warty Clan had stolen the Slimy Clan's land just like they were trying to do to the rabbits. He says that the Slimy Clan has acquired a powerful weapon that he calls the Slayer, but it is out of ammunition. If the rabbits will help the Slimy Clan get more ammunition for the Slayer, the toads will help them cross the river.

Dusy and Ash are unsure about this deal, but Belladonna speaks plainly to them. They agree to accept the deal, but only if Belladonna takes the first ride on toad-back across the river.

The car carrying the other three PCs eventually stops at a house. Muddy sneaks into a hidden corner of the car while the man opens the back door and picks up the box containing the other two rabbits, then bolts out before the door is closed. The man takes the tackle box over to a chicken wire hutch that is attached to the side of a shed, and puts Thump-tor and Veggie-mite in it. The hutch is several feet off the ground, and has a wooden nest box located inside the shed itself. He gives them some lettuce, then leaves in the car. When Thump-tor pays attention to the hutch he comes up blank, but Veggie-mite recognizes the smell in the hutch as having a familiar resonance.

The two caged rabbits offer Muddy some lettuce to do some scouting around. After paying attention to the surrounding area, he reports that the shed islocated behind a medium-sized one-story house and next to a sizeable vegetable garden. The shed itself has a door that is old and cracked enough for a rabbit to slip inside. In the shed are a variety of garden tools, a metal tank with a picture of a crossed-out cane toad on it, and up on a work bench, some cardboard boxes with pictures of a gun on them.

Meanwhile, Belladonna, Ash, Dusty, and the three cane toads have crossed the river and come to a road. The first toad who tries to cross is flattened by a car. Belladonna resists panic, but is less successful when she attempts to bolt across the road. She is clipped by a car and takes a scar, giving up her "Engineer" move.

The toads and rabbits make their way to a house where the toads believe some ammunition can be found -- which turns out to be the same house where the other rabbits are. Muddy resists panic and Belladonna explains the deal she made with the toads. They realize that the boxes Muddy saw in the shed are ammunition boxes. Thump-tor goes into the nest box and uses his strength to break the top off the box so that he can get out of the cage and into the shed. In doing so, he takes a scar and can no longer sneak. He uses his strength again to move the tank close to the workbench, allowing him to get up onto it and knock a bunch of the boxes of ammunition onto the floor.

At this point the man returns, accompanied by his 8-year-old daughter. All of the PCs resist panic. The man picks Veggie-mite out of the hutch and hands her to the girl, then grabs Muddy as well. Belladonna is able to sneak away, while Thump-tor bolts. Seeing the mess that Thump-tor made in the shed, he gathers up all of the ammunition and brings it inside, along with the two rabbits.

Inside, the girl sits down with Veggie-mite to watch TV. On the screen, she sees a bunch of humans wearing shirts with the white rabbit on them, ramming themselves repeatedly into another group of humans. It turns out that the man was just a big supporter of the South Sydney Rabbitohs rugby team!

Meanwhile, Belladonna pays attention to the outside of the house, discovering that there is a good place to hide near the door that will allow her to run inside quickly when someone opens the door. As she waits for her chance to do so, Veggie-mite decides to birth a litter of 6 kits. The girl is alarmed, and the man finds a shoebox to nest the babies in. He takes the babies and their mom and shuts them in a guest room in the house.

The man leaves to get supplies to take care of the babies, which provides Belladonna with her opportunity to sneak into the house. She hides from the girl (who is now holding Muddy), while signalling to Muddy to ask where the man put the ammunition. Muddy points out the cabinet in the living room where it was locked up. Belladonna moves down the hallway and finds the room where Veggie-mite has been put. They agree that Veggie-mite will scream, creating a distraction so that Belladonna can chew through the window screen to let Thump-tor and the two toads into the house. They do so.

Returning, the man sees the two toads hopping in through the hole in the window screen. He runs to the shed and grabs the tank of toad poison. Inside, Thump-tor uses his strength to bust open the cabinet, spilling bullets everywhere. Each of the toads grabs a big mouthful of bullets and hops back out through the screen. Belladonna uses her swiftness to dive through the window and throw herself in front of the poison spray, protecting the toads at the cost of her own life. (Or so it seems, as she can Outrun the Black Rabbit). Thump-tor, meanwhile, attacks the man again and gives him a good bite on the foot (as he has exchanged his fishing waders for thongs).

The man is now thoroughly fed up with rabbits. He tosses Belladonna's apparent corpse into the bushes, then grabs the box of Veggie-mite's babies and does likewise. veggie-mite and Muddy bolt out of the house. As they do so, they are met by Bran-squee. He explains that he has just come from the warren, where the Warty Clan has injured Buck-tor and collapsed the entrance, seemingly trapping Buck-tor, Hop-tor, and the Queen inside to slowly starve.

In the bushes, they agree on a plan. Thump-tor will remain with Belladonna's body to hold a vigil over it before he buries her. Muddy has decided he likes the comforts of life with humans, so he will work his way down the street until he finds a home that will accept him (thereby retiring the character). And Veggie-mite will return to the warren with the toads. Ash, Dusty, and Bran-squee will help her carry the babies.

Arriving back at the warren, they meet up with several other members of the Slimy Clan, including one who has the gun. They load the gun, and the Slimy Clan takes aim at the Warty Clan. The gun kills several toads and drives the others off. But in the process a shot mortally wounds Buck-tor, who along with Hop-tor made a sneak assault on the toads from the warren's secret back entrance. With the toads gone, the other rabbits bring Veggie-mite in to see the Queen just before she passes away, handing over leadership to Veggie-mite.

Days later, Thump-tor returns to the warren to resume his post as Knight of Moloch, along side Bran-squee (who has been promoted to Bran-tor, a full Knight). The other rabbits from the warren have also returned. After being left in a shallow grave, Belladonna revives, and decides to join the Slimy Clan as an honorary cane toad.

The Warren: Bunnies and Cane Toads

I had the opportunity to playtest The Warren, a Powered by the Apocalypse game based on one of my favorite books, Watership Down. Our group consisted of myself, two adults, a 16-year-old, and a 10-year-old.

The only instruction I gave the group about the setting was that I wanted the game to be set in Australia. Based on my questions, the players decided that the warren is a fairly small one. It is run as a theocracy, ruled by the priests of Moloch -- the god of the underworld and plentiful food. It was founded by Flopsy, a house rabbit whose humans watched a lot of religious programming such as "The 700 Club." The warren is small and has few allies because of its obnoxious proselytizing, but it is blessed with plentiful food. The current head priestess, Dairy Queen, is very elderly and rarely leaves her room.

Our Player Characters were:

• Thump-tor: A Knight of Moloch, one of the warren's enforcers. Character move: Dead Eyes
• Veggie-mite: One of the priestesses of Moloch. Character move: Circles of Life (Cane Toads)
• Belladonna: A clever inventor rabbit. Character move: Engineer
• Muddy: An easily excited rabbit with a special love for lettuce. Character move: Squirmy.

I did a lite version of the Ganakagok setup rules to flesh out the setting. Each player added a location to the map of the warren and its surroundings, and an NPC that they had some relationship with. This got us a large food storage room and a back door on the warren, and the people's house where Flopsy came from, which is separated from the warren's territory by a river the rabbits call "Jordan."

Our NPCs were:

• The warren's leader, the elderly priestess Dairy Queen
• Buck-tor, the other Knight of Moloch
• Ash, a charismatic young rabbit who is littermates with Muddy
• Dusty, Belladonna's littermate who often helps her with her investigations

When our story begins, the PCs, along with NPCs Ash and Dusty, are out feeding in a meadow north of the warren. As they graze, they hear some noise from just over the ridge. Thump-tor Pays Attention with his hearing, but hears nothing. Muddy also Pays Attention, with his smell, and smells cane toads! Cane toads are bad news for rabbits, so he runs back toward the warren along with Ash. Veggie-mite tells the others that the cane toads are friends of the warren. They have a secret trade relationship with the warren, supplying toad poison (used by the priests as a hallucinogen in rituals) in exchange for food. Belladonna Pays Attention and determines that Veggie-mite is telling the truth.

The four remaining rabbits peek over the ridge and see that there are 20 cane toads marching by -- many more than they have ever seen before. All three get partial successes at Resisting Panic. Veggie-mite doesn't recognize any of the toads. Nevertheless, she calls out to them. They see the rabbits and quickly surround them. Belladonna decides to Bolt, and makes it away before the toads get her.

The toad leader identifies herself as Hopper and demands to know what the rabbits are doing on their land. Veggie-mite asks about the trade agreement between the rabbits and toads. Hopper replies that that agreement was made with the Slimy Clan, who are now slaves -- and the rabbits will likewise be made slaves. Veggie-mite Speaks Plainly to them to try to convince them to back down. They offer her a deal -- if the Queen will meet Hopper in the meadow in one week and officially sign over the northern half of the warren's territory to the toads, they will allow the food-for-drugs deal to resume. Veggie-mite agrees in order to get the toads to let them go.

Muddy gets back to the warren and meets Buck-tor, who is on guard duty. He starts talking about cane toads. Buck-tor panics, thinking the toads have gotten inside the warren, and orders everyone to evacuate -- the opposite of Muddy's intent. Muddy Speaks Plainly to get him to calm down. Just then, Belladonna arrives. They all go to talk to the Queen about the cane toads. Buck-tor has to duck behind the curtain covering the Queen's room to wake her up several times, but they eventually get their message across. The Queen replies that the toads are friends of the warren and there is nothing to be afraid of.

The next day, Ash calls a meeting of the whole warren to decide what to do about the cane toads. Veggie-mite Speaks Plainly to spread a rumor that the Queen has had a vision that everything will work out fine. Muddy Pays Attention to discover that the rumor is false. He encourages Ash to not buy into it. Ash agrees, and announces his own plan: the rabbits have been living infear of the toads for too long. It's time to attack! He brings Dusty onto the stage to show off his latest discovery. Dusty holds up a strange metal object that he found, and explains that the humans call it a "gun." He insists that he has researched it thoroughly, and the gun will give the rabbits the power to destroy the toads. Belladonna realizes this is why Dusty hasn't been around much the last few days, and it explains the loud "bang" everyone heard the previous day. Veggie-mite Pays Attention and discovers that Dusty doesn't quite understand everything about the gun, despite his claims.

Veggie-mite proposes an alternative plan: The rabbits should abandon the warren and move back across the Jordan River to the homeland of Flopsy.

As the meeting breaks up, with most rabbits uncertain what to do, the PCs meet to discuss what to do about Ash and Dusty's gun plan. Muddy wants to run off to try to talk to Ash (as he feels betrayed by his littermate), but Thump-tor sits on him. Muddy fails to Struggle free. They decide that they can't let the gun be used, as it might hurt a rabbit or cause an all-out war. They plan to steal it and bury it somewhere.

That night, they send Belladonna into the room where Dusty and Ash are sleeping. She attempts to Sneak the gun away from Dusty, but he wakes up and demands to know what she's doing. She convinces him that she just wants a chance to try the gun for herself. They agree to meet in the meadow the next morning for a gun practice session, before Ash and Dusty lead their supporters in an assault on the toads.

The next morning, our PCs are approaching the meadow when they hear a loud bang. Muddy and Belladonna successfully Resist Panic, but Veggie-mite and Thump-tor lose it and let out a scream. Belladonna Pays Attention and discovers that Ash and Dusty heard the screams but didn't know what they were. So she rushes up to the meadow to claim credit for having screamed, while the other three successfully Sneak into the bushes to wait for their chance to help steal the gun.

Dusty demonstrates the gun, holding it to his chest and pulling the "activation lever" with his paw. He shoots an apple that Ash had set up on the other side of the meadow, turning it into applesauce. Then he helps Belladonna hold and aim the gun. She successfully Resists Panic at holding such a powerful object in her paws. She attempts to aim the gun wrong (custom move on Strong), but fails and hits the apple perfectly. The recoil causes her to drop the gun, and Ash and Dusty pull her over toward the target to show her how good she did.

Muddy takes this opportunity to Bolt into the meadow and grab the gun. Veggie-mite and Thump-tor also bolt in to try to run interference on Ash and Dusty. Muddy successfully picks up the gun (custom move on Strong, because he's a runt) and Bolts from the meadow carrying it.

Thump-tor successfully stops Dusty and Ash from pursuing Muddy (custom move on Strong). Veggie-mite tries to Speak Plainly to them to convince them that going after the toads with the gun is a bad idea, but fails. She ends up leaving them with the impression that the priesthood intends to use the gun itself, to keep the younger rabbits from getting the glory. Thump-tor tries to Pay Attention to the conversation, but it all goes over his head -- just politics mumbo-jumbo. Instead he just sits on Ash (custom move on Strong) to keep him from pursuing Muddy. Belladonna Speaks Plainly to Dusty, and convinces him that she'll retrieve the gun and return it to him.

On his way back past the warren carrying the gun, Muddy encounters a group of five cane toads. He is unsuccessful at Resisting Panic, so he drops the gun and it goes off. Thump-tor and Veggie-mite successfully Resist Panic at the unexpected gunshot, but Belladonna (on her way to find Muddy) does not, and dives into a bush.

The noise attracts the toads, who converge on Muddy. He Bolts, getting away and hiding alongside Belladonna, but leaving the gun behind. Our session ended with Belladonna and Muddy watching the cane toads pick up the gun and carry it away.

On knowing when *not* to design a game

I have a strong tendency to appreciate things by doing them. Almost from the moment I started playing RPGs and modern board games, I was thinking about how I'd design my own games. Likewise, I've done lots of art and dabbled extensively in writing music and novels. My brain moves easily from "this thing is cool" to "I want to figure out how to make one."

This impulse was brought up short today by reading an announcement of a game jam on the subject of "rentpunk." Rentpunk is the organizers' term for a proposed genre of art dealing with the experience of economic precariousness -- hustling for jobs, not knowing where your next decent meal is coming from, etc.
I was super excited about the idea of rentpunk games. I think the experience of economic precariousness is too often ignored and glossed over or obfuscated by convenient cliches. I have a number of people close to me who have lived that life -- enough that I nod along vigorously every time I read an article about what it's really like to be poor.

Because I am a nerd, I have hanging in my bedroom the "Social Stratification in the United States" poster (1998 edition) that came with my Sociology textbook in college. I was unreasonably excited to discover that they have just come out with an updated 2014 edition.

But what I don't have is personal, first-hand experience with poverty and financial instability. I grew up in a comfortably middle-class household. I got awesome scholarships for college. Now I'm a tenured professor backed by a powerful statewide union. Though I may complain about the state government's attacks on public higher ed, this is literally the most secure job situation it's possible to have in 2015. I have a steady salary that puts my household at the national median income. My freelance work, while it has caused me plenty of sleepless nights lately, is a fun bonus that lets me go out to eat more often, not something that I rely on to live.

So for that reason I cannot, and should not, create a rentpunk game. What would for others be an empowering expression of their experiences would for me be exploitative and voyeuristic. I would be literally playing around with other people's difficult experiences for my own amusement and career advancement. I have to restrain my excitement about the idea, and my passion about the issues faced by others, and redirect it into something other than writing my own game about being poor. (I should stress that the game jam organizers themselves never make any statement suggesting anyone ought not to participate. This post is all my own inference about what I think is the right way for someone in my position to approach this issue. So if you're inclined to whine about not being "allowed" to make a certain kind of game, direct that at me, not them.)

That doesn't mean that I (or other securely middle-class people) am destined to make games that reinforce class inequality. (Or that straight people's games are inevitably heteronormative, etc.) I can work to make sure my games are free of class bias and welcoming to the experiences of people who have more precarious economic situations -- indeed, I'm morally obligated to do so. To do that I'll have to learn a lot from people who have that background. But I can't, and shouldn't, make games that are specifically about an experience that is real but not mine. I can de-center class privilege (or heterosexuality, or maleness, or whiteness, etc) without centering poverty (or LGBTQ-ness, or femaleness, or blackness/Latinoness/Asianness etc). Not because the latter is wrong (indeed, it's essential), but rather because the latter is not my place.

So I can appreciate and promote rentpunk without making rentpunk. And I'm very excited to see what the participants in the jam come up with.

Game night: Fiasco -- Bad Habits

Over the Thanksgiving weekend, we played a game of Fiasco using Nick Wedig's Bad Habits playset. It's taken me a while to get to writing this up, so I may have missed some details.

Our characters:
Agnes Agnew, a 20-something serving her court-mandated community service by doing bookkeeping and technical work for the convent
Sister Mary Sofia, an 81-year-old nun who is not entirely in possession of her wits
Sister Mary Tyler Moore, a 78-year-old who is blind
Sister Mary Mary, Sofia's 45-year-old half sister who was pushed into joining the convent by their father to keep an eye on her sister

The story begins with the death of Sister Mary Francis, who had been the oldest nun in the convent. Mary explains to Sofia that she is now the oldest. Sofia pushes her way through the EMTs who are taking Francis's body away in order to take the "Oldest" button that Francis wore on her habit.

Father Thomas, the priest at the convent, attempts to console Sofia despite the fact that Sofia is not actually that upset over Francis's death. Tyler criticizes her for taking the "oldest" button, but Agnes breaks up the fight.

Tyler delivers a bag of communion wafers to Agnes, who is -- unbeknownst to Tyler -- lacing them with drugs from the convent's pharmacy and selling them on the street. Agnes calms her by putting on a record of her favorite song, "Call Me Maybe."

Mary has been convalescing in the medical wing after falling and breaking her hip. Agnes rolls her out into the courtyard where the cell phone reception is better so that she can upload a video of Francis's last drug-addled moments to her popular "Crazy Nuns" YouTube channel. They discuss the sorry state of the convent's finances, and Agnes offers to get the books in order and secure a lot more donations if Mary gives her free rein over the accounts.

After Agnes leaves, Mary discovers that Pope Francis has been commenting positively on her YouTube videos. Sofia comes by and, unfamiliar with smart phone technology, declares the tiny videos to be a miracle. She insists that Mary should make some videos of her discussing her views on The Gays as a form of outreach.

Sofia excitedly tells Tyler about the miracle of the videos, but Tyler is upset since her blindness prevents her from seeing them. While in Tyler's room, Sofia sees the stash of spiked communion wafers and, assuming they had just been misplaced, takes them.

Tyler goes to talk to Father Thomas about the crisis of faith she is experiencing -- how could a loving god prevent her from seeing the miracle of the videos? Thomas is unhelpful.

At her weekly conference about her community service, Agnes convinces Father Thomas to give her more leeway over the convent's finances. He says he believes that God is working through her to bless the convent.

Agnes baits Sofia into going on a dramatic homophobic rant by talking bluntly about the date she is going on with her girlfriend. Mary films it and upload it to the YouTube account.

Sofia goes to Father Thomas to insist that he fire Agnes because of her sexual orientation, but Thomas doesn't want to rock the boat, having just expressed so much confidence in her. Sofia storms out, screaming up and down the halls "Agnes is a homosexual!"

Tyler is upset at Sofia for being disruptive.

Agnes embezzles a bunch of money from a forgotten bequest in order to put on a huge bash for Francis's funeral. She receives a press release announcing that the Pope will be attending, in order to pay a visit to the convent that was producing that great YouTube channel.

Worried about how the new publicity will reflect on the convent, Mary frantically tries to delete the video of Sofia's rant. As she's doing this, the Pope arrives and sees on her phone a video of Francis's rant in the hallway. She gets upset, but Mary convinces him to at least stay for communion.

Father Thomas asks Sofia to help give communion. She adds the bag of spiked wafers to the tray.

The spiked wafers cause pandemonium as everyone at the funeral gets very high. The drugs cure Tyler's blindness, causing her to regain her faith. The Pope starts making everyone there saints. Tyler knocks over some candles, starting a fire.

Afterward, there are many videos of the chaos uploaded to YouTube. Talking to the police, Agnes blames it all on Father Thomas.

In the end, Agnes becomes a gay rights celebrity. She is not convicted for her role in distributing the drugs, but her career is over. Mary is offered a contract for one season of a Tosh.0-style show on Comedy Central. Tyler loses her sight again, and gets excommunicated. Sofia becomes a noted anti-gay campaigner, appearing frequently on Fox News, and exposes Agnes's corruption. Eventually, Sofia has a change of heart about gay rights and renounces her old views.

Metatopia 2014 or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Call Myself A Designer. PART 2

Part 3: The Monsters Focus Groups

I was underly terrified about these. Mental illness is a very personal thing and it's not really socially acceptable to talk about. And here I am, a brand new designer, wanting to tackle it head on.

I really want this game to exist, for selfish reasons. One of the best lessons I learned in DBT is that being selfish is sometimes necessary. Burning bridges with people who aren't good for your mental health, needing to take breaks, knowing your personal limitations and not budging on them. These are all things that society frowns on.

So, going on the fact that the con was so open and engaging, and that everyone in attendance was totally amazing, I took a firm stance. I'm going to be selfish and make this work.

Friday evening comes and I had just got out of James Mendez Hodes' super fun AfroFuture. I tried to take a minute and switch gears to be *serious*. Then it came to me.

Hi, my name is Cheyenne Rae Grimes, and I have anxiety and depression. If you have similar issues and wish to disclose them, fantastic, no judgement. If you don't wish to disclose this information, fantastic, no judgement.

Best choice I could have made. It set the correct tone. It created a safe space. It let the participants know that they were now in a world where such things are openly discussed. And the next hour blew my mind in all the right ways.

I gave my basic ideas (which ended up being described as wanting to punch my irrational thought in their faces) and what ideas I did have. I then asked the participants to answer why they were here at this focus group. So many ideas were tossed around; making sure there was distance between you and your monster, Nordic LARP style breaks during and aftercare worked into play, figuring out what the monsters actually were. Then, the giant mind fuck was thrown out.

What if you were the monster?

UGH.

So beautiful, such a great way to make it a personal struggle.

The next night, following a lovely IGDN dinner at the tasty indian restaurant attached to the hotel, I set back up for the second night. I started out the exact same way, this time with a bit more confidence. I threw out the ideas from the previous night and this group RAN with all the ideas.

Ideas of give and take of wins and losses based on playing both your character and it's monster. Does harm taken on one side actually mean a victory on the other side? Hell, a media guide and soundtrack even began to come out. And then people followed me to a table in the bar area to keep talking about it.

You know who in How the Grinch Stole Christmas, it's said his heart grew 3 sizes that day? Pretty sure the only thing containing my heart was my rib cage. Thanks so much to every member for these focus groups, with every fiber of my being. I have so many ideas, so many things to play with, and I am fully committed to making this game a reality.

This may seem like a slightly brief writeup, but this was more of a personal perspective shift for me than just a write up. I also needed to take 4 days after returning home to write this out. This was one of the best emotional experiences I've had in quite awhile.

In my last post, I will wrap up the playtest and panels I did and who this con means for Glittercats in the future. Thanks for baring with me, which is just a really big deal.

Metatopia 2014 or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Call Myself A Designer. PART 1

(This post is a bunch of brutal honesty from inside my head. I'm pretty good at writing out the anxiety that I feel internally.) 

Part 1: The Social

I arrived on Thursday evening and was terrified. Sure, there were people I had met before but I was *alone*. My GC partner in crime was in Pittsburgh and sadly, my two best friends who make up Growling Door Games were unable to attend, so alone I went.

Now, I've never been one to get starstruck. I've dealt with famous people before in other jobs before, mainly theater. But there were going to be people there who wrote some of the games that I just love to play. Then my ride arrives from just picking up Cam Banks and I do my best to not fret. I had met him at Gen Con earlier this year and I had no need to worry. See, this was my first con from inside the industry. I had always been a fan, a volunteer, a friend of the designer, just a gamer. Now, I have two games that my name will be on and I'm a member of a group of designers. To say I felt like an imposter is a wild understatement.

I'm naturally a rampant extrovert when I feel like I know what I'm doing. This was a weekend of huge steps into the unknown and all I could do was hope that it wouldn't break me.

We get to the hotel and I meet a few people who I know from online and settle into finding people to relate to. Robert Bohl gets my first shout out of the con for helping me by being the first person to engage with me. The evening proceeds, more and more people are introduced to me and I flex my schmoozing muscles for the first time in quite a while and, of course, I'm a rock star at it. In theater, that's about 25% of the job. Be it with other professionals, donors or audience members. So, this is old territory that just needs an update in my mind.

The evening progresses into a huge amount of fun, putting faces and voices to IGDN members and writers of games and systems that I love. Ran into Sarah Richardson pretty quickly into the evening and was very glad to find a comrade in feeling slightly awkward in the newness of this all. Everyone was excited. The feeling in the room was electric and I at least got the sense of even if I turn out to suck as a designer, I would at least meet a lot of awesome people.

Once the big board was up and the room was open, I went to do what I had been dreading: look to see if anyone had actually signed up for any of my games. Three were full and the last one only had one seat left. I nearly pissed myself. I took pictures of each sheet and sent them to Stentor as I was doing a crazy happy dance.

Part 2: The Kitten Lasers Playtests

Friday rolls around and my first playtest of Kitten Lasers was at 11am. I made myself eat breakfast and get there early to set up. We jumped into character creation and it was so nice to have actual people there to prove that somethings were broken. It's very hard to see that on your own and sometimes asking friends to point out flaws is a bit hard. There were things that stood up, somethings that crumbled.

And it was OKAY.

It made me happy to have players who were happy to be there show me what needed to be fixed. Everyone loved the theme, loved character creations, was happy to give ideas how to make the mechanics flow better. It was a great atmosphere.

On Sunday, I did my second playtest. I went ahead and changed all the things that fell apart. We got through character creation, bidding, the first scene and the second bidding phase. Everything I had changed now worked and I got to actually see what else needed fixed. I can't even express how grateful I am for this experience.

We have a game. That will work.

That people want to play.

(This is a picture of the players of the very first playtest. Thanks so much to you all!)

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I will continue on about the rest of my impressions of the con later. This was just such an emotional experience for me that I still need processing time.

Look forward to the dramatic conclusion!

Greetings and Salutations!

It seems it's about time to introduce myself.

Hi there, I'm Cheyenne Rae Grimes. *waves*

I am the newest member of Glittercats and I am beyond thrilled to be apart of this awesome company. Stentor and I have been incredibly close for the last 4 years now. We met through playing a game (well, kickball to be exact) and we have been gaming together ever since.

About myself. West Virginian by birth, currently an Ohio resident. I originally went to school for theater and work as a stage manager for several companies in Georgia and Florida. Due to unforeseeable health issues, I gave up the profession and am now going back to school for psychology. I love cats, contra dancing, giggling as I beat the pants off of you at heavy strategy board games, knitting, karaoke and being overall adorable.

I grew up loving video and board games, but didn't start playing RPGs until I was in college. Around 2009, I began playing any indie narrative game I could get my hands on and started attending cons. For a few years, I helped run the board game meet up aspect of Obscure Games (now City of Play) in Pittsburgh.

Moving to Cleveland has been a huge step for me in becoming a game designer. I started GMing games again, mainly through Games on Demand and got involved with IGDN through working at cons. I also just became an Ambassador for Double Exposure's Envoy program. All of these things are incredible and it's amazing to get the opportunity to work with all these great companies and the people associated with them.

Soon, I will have a Fate core hack published in the Fate Codex with Nicole Winchester. Besides working on two titles for Glittercats, I will also be working with Michelle Lyons-McFarland on A Comedy in Five Acts, the follow up to her wonderful A Tragedy in Five Acts.

Gaming has been such a fantastic step back into the world of creativity for me. It's a well needed return and I so look forward to where it takes me. I will be attending Metatopia this weekend and can't wait to report back on what I was able to take in.

So super excited to be on the Glittercats team!

(Here's a picture of me schooling a kitten. Enjoy!)